Rev. Rachel Lewis Cooley
“Resurrection Thru (Vulnerable) Relationship”
Kensington Community Church UCC, San Diego CA
March 10, 2024
Ruth 1:1-18
1 In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to live in the country of Moab, he and his wife and two sons. 2 The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion; they were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. 3 But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. 4 These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. When they had lived there about ten years, 5 both Mahlon and Chilion also died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.
6 Then she started to return with her daughters-in-law from the country of Moab, for she had heard in the country of Moab that the Lord had considered his people and given them food. 7 So she set out from the place where she had been living, she and her two daughters-in-law, and they went on their way to go back to the land of Judah. 8 But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back each of you to your mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. 9 The Lord grant that you may find security, each of you in the house of your husband.” Then she kissed them, and they wept aloud. 10 They said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.” 11 But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters. Why will you go with me? Do I still have sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? 12 Turn back, my daughters, go your way, for I am too old to have a husband. Even if I thought there was hope for me, even if I should have a husband tonight and bear sons, 13 would you then wait until they were grown? Would you then refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, it has been far more bitter for me than for you, because the hand of the Lord has turned against me.” 14 Then they wept aloud again. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her.
15 So she said, “Look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” 16 But Ruth said,
“Do not press me to leave you,
to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people
and your God my God.
17 Where you die, I will die,
and there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus to me,
and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”
18 When Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her.
Church as a place to experience deep long-term community & experiment with relationships. Make relationships with folks you wouldn’t normally. I’ve seen long-term friendships at churches I’ve been a part of, after college when I went back to church I reflected how I never saw elderly folks otherwise, I’ve been invited into new roles because communities have seen something in me & fostered nurturing.
What are relationships like with folks around you? Transactional- About what they can give you or get from you? Shallow, never deeper. Cancelling, no grace. No room for disagreement. No commitment or keep caring. Think of the people you want to see.
I’m hoping to get these youth bonded more. Y’all are asking for small groups to bond more.
We need each other. What makes it a church? Covenant, promise. Talking faith & spirit together! Learning about God together, building trust so we can open ourselves vulnerably to those questions and personal experiences of God and sharing stories of pain & tragedy too.
Much like the kingdom or realm of God, this is here and coming. From the choir harmonizing together,
We've got a lot of theological diversity here So let’s get clear on what we are about, committed to. Why do we keep showing up?? Talk to each other about why (let’s seize this moment to do so—now I know I’ve got you all primed to say people, but this really is an open question. Because when we share about our many reasons, we connect & learn what’s important to each of us to value).
Is it because of what we do communally that we cannot do alone? Communal worship, co-regulating.
Grief can be clarifying. Loss & uncertainty can help refocus us, burn away the things that don’t matter.
When the world doesn’t want you, when you've faced difficult grief together.
Vulnerability, which we like to deny, insulate ourselves from, numb. Slow down a moment & realize we’re tender.
These are the people God thrust together. This is the moment.
Go on to miracles & beautiful investment in future generations & community (David & Jesus as leaders, a story of their ancestors) we don’t know all the stories of our ancestors in the faith, nor do we know what'll come next.
What matters to you matters to me. Not blind agreement but loving valuing. Tension in a UCC church with such mixed beliefs. I’m not asking you to marry your pew mate. But what do we agree on? How are we committed to one another?
To accept what others, share as an offering, not a mandate, not yours, but ours.
How would we welcome one who is from a class, race, group we don’t often interact with. The stranger, the “Other” God as “Other”.
Not asking what we'll get out of relationship— husbands— but stepping forward in faith.
Naomi— crisis of faith, feeling she shouldn’t ask these others to accompany her, love her. Do you ever have a hard time receiving love? Opening yourself to it?
Trinity as relationship— one God in dynamic movement, pouring out, receiving.
One people in dynamic movement.
Will you pray with me?
Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on us. Whether we have heard this story one time or dozens, may it have new meaning for our moment here & now. May we open ourselves in faith, practicing dynamic relationship with You & with each other here. Amen.
We get to turn to a story of two named women it the bible today, can I get an amen to that? And we get to go deeply into it, to learn from these women & the choices they make from within their distinct positions on the margins of society— widowed, poor, refugee or about to be. Ruth is also a Moabite, who were excluded from Israelite community. She & Naomi are in a vulnerable position both because of patriarchal & ethnic systems stacked against them & because of the grief & suffering life has dealt them.
You & I sitting here today may or may not be in a moment that feels particularly vulnerable or grief-stricken. We may or may not know what it is to have so many systems stacked against us— I know I have never been forced to the margins of society as they have. And we may further insulate ourselves from feeling vulnerable by attempting to control our surroundings, or numbing difficult emotions through distractions & addictions, lack of mindfulness in turning to online shopping, social media, tv, video games, alcohol & drugs, and more in order not to feel.
And yet ’m sure we've all experienced those moments of profound loss & struggle where we cannot any longer numb & we come face-to-face with our vulnerability. In reading a lot of Brene Brown through Div School, I came to think that we’re actually all vulnerable all the time, it’s about whether we’re willing to admit it to others let alone ourselves. Let’s be clear that folks on the margins are more vulnerable to compounding suffering, where struggles to put food on the table or pay for rent or health insurance become even more impossible when death or injury or disease hit. So what do these women on the margins do, what do many people on the margins do, and what are those of us with more privilege to learn from?
Ruth & Naomi choose each other. They have been family by marriage, but now they become chosen family. They are so connected, with sister-in-law Orpah too, that they start walking back toward Judah all together before they stop to talk about the decision. Or maybe they were seeing Naomi off, putting off goodbye as long as possible after they've been through this great grief together. Perhaps Naomi’s thoughts clear as she walks, or perhaps she becomes scared of the journey ahead, so she balks, thinking I can’t ask them to come with me, and why would they when I have no more security to offer them, no sons to marry them. She is face to face with her own vulnerability, and lack, feeling destitute & outcast. And perhaps a bit of that all-too-human feeling of not-enoughness creeps in. you know the one? When you're with someone who would offer you love & you feel like who am [ that they would love me? It seems to me this occurs more as a subconscious pulling back than a conscious question.
And then we remember how relationships are often transactional— what am I providing them in connections, security, resources, expertise? Or we remember the things others have told us— with words or actions- about our flaws or burdens, about ways we’ve been shown we're not wanted. In family systems made of complex humans whose needs may or may not be met & who carry generational traumas. In social systems, because of our gender identities, class, color, and more. In churches that have peddled lies about exclusion & hierarchy & what’s supposedly wrong in God’s eyes.
All of us have these stories & injustices mixed up in our psyches, causing that feeling like Naomi’s of how could these others journey with me. And all of this exacerbated by the deep grief she faces, and a crisis of faith where she believes that “the hand of the LORD has turned against” her. I bet all of us have been there, are there to varying degrees each & every day of being vulnerably human.
I also know its true, though, that we’ve had a moment where someone else has shown us love when we feel unlovable & unvaluable. Sometimes our brains cause us to forget the ways others have shown up for us & to only remember the traumas & heartaches, and this is normal because our brains are just trying to protect us the next time around. But Ruth’s proclamation invites us to remember the moments small & large where others have shown us compassion & offered themselves to us. I hope & trust that there have been such moments in this church, where someone has turned to you & showed you care. Maybe you’ve even felt safe to admit your vulnerability then, or to tell them when something they've done or said meant a lot to you & why.
Ruth is both showing love & proclaiming her choice & commitment to Naomi— how incredible, in this moment when Naomi is at her lowest. Talk about resurrection. The women have no idea what might lie ahead, they just take one step in faith. This step of commitment is one worth highlighting, proclaiming, repeating. Do not tell me to leave you, because I won't. Tell me what matters to you, because it matters to me too.
How do we in church make space to hear what matters to one another? What one another believes, & connection points. This church community is made up of folks of all kinds of religious backgrounds & beliefs. We all agree that we do not have to agree on all details, but what fundamental values do we share, and can we invite our neighbor in the pew to tell us about theirs and then share ours too. We are asking for small groups— yes, yes, yes— intentional space for creating, sustaining, redeeming relationships. It may take us a bit to get a full program up & running, but of course we are all invited to go deeper with folks around us! Meals shared, conversations after service, invitations issued. And it’s not all logistics, it’s also opening ourselves up to share: to face our traumas and the stories where others have turned us away by committing energy to relationships today & slowly sharing more & more. We can create spaces where acknowledging struggles is normal, and so are words of compassion & assurance.
One thing we do not all agree on is the trinity, and the nature of three in one or just one or what. It’s a big mystery, and will always be. One way to imagine it though is as a metaphor for relationship. There are others, from whom we are inseparable, who will pour into us and us into them. Richard Rohr writes about this divine dance that happens in community, where three or more are dynamically intertwined and they know it. They proclaim it. They have abundance because they share, they give & receive.
Now some of us have moments of grief where we need more to receive than to give. And in dynamic community, there are many to give. There is a dance of tenderness for self giving way to tenderness for others, where giving reminds us of our tenderness too, and then we are open to receive others pouring into our aching places. The receiver also offers a gift to the giver. When someone trusts me with their story, I learn about the human journey & walks of faith. As I hear how others meet my story & pain, I hear what God’s love sounds like. When I respond, I offer from my depths and embody something like the love of God. It is through vulnerability in relationship that I experience the gospel, the good news. That I am interconnected, ever-loved and valued, never alone.
Now I’m curious for you all to keep talking with one another about what all this theological diversity among us means, and on what we are united.
Relationship does not mean agreement, unity does not mean uniformity. It does mean compassion, sharing, commitment. Where others might say why would you be in relationship with them, as folks would surely say to Naomi the Israelite in chosen family with Ruth the Moabite.
Ruth & Naomi take this one step of love & commitment.
Then it matters to me too. might we proclaim to one another? How might we experience God through the commitment
And really, Ruth’s words could be like the proclamation of God in God’s love for us—loyalty to us, interconnection with us, needing us just for who we are not for what resources we may possess.